Some days, being a single parent is difficult. And others… it’s excruciating.
I’ve had to do so many things as a single mom I wished I hadn’t. I start feeling reallllll “human” when I’m forcibly responsible for a task I’d label a “man’s responsibility.”
The past few weeks, packing boxes, being nurse to a dog, mama to a girl, and moving ALL of us to a new home, all but WRECKED me. There’s nothing like installing the stubborn dryer, and assembling the above-toilet-storage-cabinet all by your lonesome, to remind yourself single parenting is part of your circumstance for the time being. Whether you like it, practically lose your salvation daily, or not.
When I start to fall apart, I take a deep dive into the places buried beneath my flesh and bones that house my most vulnerable feelings. I submerse myself in the “whys.” Why do I struggle with this? Why am I being triggered? Why am I feeling these emotions underneath this poor reaction?
Never Taught How
I’ve learned to speak to my inner child with kindness. I’ve learned to acknowledge there are parts of myself that are still a child… parts that were never taught how to grow up. God, as my parent, teaches me the tools for how to overcome these obstacles now, as an adult. My discipleship training the last 12 months has changed my life, and I highly recommend everyone see a Christian counselor certified in discipleship training to find healing and godly direction in their lives.
I’m learning to speak calmly- without abusive language. I’m learning to receive wrong treatment with a buffer, so I can process my RESPONSE, not reaction, at a later time, instead of automatically lashing back. I’m becoming brave enough to express my vulnerable feelings to others, instead of covering them up with sarcasm or insults. I’m becoming more comfortable with calmly admitting I’m wrong and saying “I’m sorry,” without overwhelming feelings of guilt, shame, or defeat.
——- By the grace of God.
And it’s healing some of my relationships, starting with the one I have with MYSELF.
Harmony + Healing
The people in my life who also seek to grow, develop, and have healthy relationships are responding well, too. I can feel God smiling down on us. I can feel His loving arms wrapped around me and His reassuring voice saying, “THIS is My will for My children— for your marriage, your parenting, your friendships. I offer peace, harmony, and healing. It’s why I came. It’s why I died. And it’s why you’re still alive, my child. You’re meant to live in this abundance.”
God knows the ache I have for my husband’s healing and freedom to come quickly—- just as much as I ache for my own. But we know speed doesn’t always amount to longevity. Sometimes long-term pain needs long-term healing, for lasting victory. It’s excruciating parenting alone until he returns, some days. At times, I have a temper tantrum or emotional breakdown along the path. Some days, my loved ones do. And some days, grace and healing abound. Welcome to humanity, friends. That’s part of the healing journey we are all on, together. God created mercy + grace + wisdom for good reason. We are taught to model Christ’s example and give it to OURSELVES, as well as others. We may be on slightly difference places along the path, but we are a family journeying together, with God up ahead, encouraging us onward. As long as we are all moving forward together, the day was worth it. And we are still one day closer to victory in our family. It’s true for you and yours, the same. Keep traveling, my messy, dearly loved friends.
“For this cause we also, since the day we heard it, do not cease to pray and make request for you, that ye may be filled with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, to walk worthily of the Lord unto all pleasing, bearing fruit in every good work, and increasing in the knowledge of God;”
Colossians 1:9-10 ASV